This week, I shared a story on Instagram about how I first got published and how I was super embarrassed about it and tried to keep it a secret.
I was 15/16, in my last year at high school, and an avid reader of Jackie Magazine. I was at that age, where I was a little too old to keep reading it, but couldn’t quite let go.
I loved those romance stories, not too keen on the photo-stories in there, but the long-from, cheesy, predictable short stories, I loved.
The part I really enjoyed, was seeing how the similar format was cleverly changed so it became a new take on an old style. Always a new twist, a turn in the plot, a subtle change to the format of two people meeting and falling for each other.
This style of writing bled over into my school work, and it was my English teacher who made an off-hand comment saying, ‘your writing is just like one of those sloppy magazine stories, you should write for them!’ that gave me the idea to submit some work.
Taking the leap
Do you remember the first time you submitted some creative work? Terrifying isn’t it?
I did it with the bliss of no idea what I was doing.
I wrote that piece as a short story that I would love to read in the magazine.
One that would delight me if I came across it.
I typed it out and sent it off without another thought, thinking it probably would never even be opened, let alone read.
When the letter of acceptance and a payment offer of £60 came through, along with a contract, I was over joyed. THRILLED.
Absolutely amazed for all of half an hour before imposter syndrome hit.
Embarrassed about writing?
WHO DO I THINK I AM?
I clearly remember that was the first thought.
After the hugs from my mum, the telephone call to my dad who announced that his daughter was a published writer to the entirety of his office whilst I was on the phone, I went to my bedroom and thought about telling everyone back at school and thinking, who the hell do I think I am?
What would Nancy, the girl who bullied me for the first three years say? She’d have a field day with this one. Her voice was in my head: ‘You’ve done what? How sad, how pathetic, writing about love because you’ll never find it.’
And Dean, the boy I did have a crush on, ‘You’ve written this? For real? What a nerd!’
I went through every person who I had definitely NOT written the story for and imagined their reaction in my head, and almost died at the thought of it.
Own your work - or not
Running downstairs to my mum, I voiced my concerns and she told me there was NO WAY I was stopping this from being published. I should be proud, I should be shouting it from the roof-tops, but those voices…..
So we came to a decision to use a pseudonym.
My nana, who had recently passed, was called Isabelle, and I can’t remember the exact conversation, but we decided my pen-name should be Zoe Belle.
I wrote that!
The story came out and when I got the copy with accompanying art work to my story, it was soooooo good.
Knowing people I’d never met, people I had no idea about, were reading what I wrote and would have a story playing out in their heads that I had made up.
It was like telepathy! Complete magic! It felt wild!
It was at that moment, that I knew I would always write.
Always make up stories, paid or not and do this wonderful kind of magic. But then, the name…by Zoe Belle.
Suddenly it was terribly important that everyone knew it was me. All those cringe thoughts about Nancy and Dean, and my other classmates and teachers went out the window.
I needed recognition! I needed people to know what I achieved!
So I took it into school and told everyone.
They asked why it wasn’t my name on there and I told them about my nana, about how I came up with a new name that involved her and they kind of nodded, read a bit of it and were…..generally uninterested.
No one cares - except you, and the person you wrote it for
I went on to keep writing for Jackie Magazine until the magazine folded.
I wrote under my name, and it was a wonderful writing gig that got me through college and kept me dreaming up stories and getting used to writing to deadlines.
You’d have thought I’d have learned my lesson with the whole,
WHO DO I THINK I AM, fiasco, but no.
Fast forward a few years to me opening an Instagram account.
I’d had a few articles published since my Jackie Magazine days, but not much else. Mainly because I had a full time job and kids and a lot of rejection letters for the books I was trying to finish and get published.
I filled out my Instagram bio and put down ‘writer’ and boom! There was that voice. What would Sue in HR think when she saw it? What would Milly two doors down say? What would everyone think?
I’d completely forgotten about the important bit : You create something for someone, and the other people, the people you didn’t create it for, THEY WON’T CARE ABOUT IT.
No one was interested in my Instagram, not even my family, it was, and still is, only interesting to people who enjoy reading and writing.
Sue and Milly and anyone else who doesn’t enjoy these topics, couldn’t give a crap.
Are you owning it?
And I’m sad to say, I noticed it happening again this week.
I’m going through page proofs at the moment, for my upcoming book, Closer Than She Thinks, and I was reading the chapters where some steamy stuff happens.
The book features an affair and, y’know what the essential part to an affair is? Flirting and sex. Sex happens. Flirting happens.
And as I’m reading through those scenes, my mind is running over the people who….
Who I didn’t write the book for.
And I need to remind myself, those people won’t read the book.
They won’t care about it like I do.
They won’t care what I wrote, they’ll be pleased about it, say ‘congrats!’ but they probably won’t read it.
And if they do, they’ll do so knowing it’s not normally the type of book they’d pick up.
What about you?
What are you writing and creating at the moment?
Are you taking ownership?
Are you only thinking about the people you created it for?
Or are you listening to the other voices, the ones that are asking who do you think you are?
Top tip, IGNORE THOSE VOICES.
Have a great weekend!
Zoe x
PS. Pre-order my book to read the steamy scenes here, find my Instagram here and my TikTok here.